Song of Solomon
ROMANTIC LOVE IS EXCLUSIVE
27 May 2006
Some people wonder why the book The Song of Solomon is in the Bible. This book is among the poetic books in the Bible and need to be understood in that context. There are pictures in scripture of Jesus Christ. The Song of Solomon is not intended to give pictures of Jesus Christ. This book is a literal historical account of romantic love between a man and a woman.
Solomon was a wise man but not a man of self-control. See 1 King 11:3 - He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. In this book Solomon pursues another woman for his harem only to discover that she has love for another man. A love that Solomon had never been ever to find in a woman. He released this woman at the end of the book. Romantic love needs to be exclusively focused upon one person.
1. It takes time
See Song of Solomon 1:3. We need to draw the one that we love away. It is important to spend time together with each other. You need to know where to find each other. Getting married is easy but staying married is harder. It is essential to spend time together. See 1 Peter 3:7. If you can't spend at least 15 minutes a day then your marriage is in danger. There is no such thing as quality time without quantity. It takes time.
2. It takes attention
See Song of Solomon 2:8-14. This is a poem about enthusiasm for attention. They can't wait to be together! There is a desire to see her face and hear her voice. Do you want to show attention then do the following:
- Get alone together. This is what happened
- Silence all other noises. Turn off the radio, music or TV.
- Sit close. You have to be face to face.
- Listen. You have to talk things over and not keep silent.
- Repeat back for confirmation. It is not to be one way traffic.
3. It takes exclusive ownership
See Song of Solomon & 6:3. I am my beloved's and he is mine. If you are not prepared to give up your independence then you should not get married. Spare someone a lifetime of hurt. Don't get married. You have to give yourself to another person. You can't have a married couple living two separate lives. You have to help each other and give to each other. Don't settle for less than this attention before you get married.
4. It takes pursuit
See Song of Solomon 3:1-4. Once the relationship is established it is very important for the woman to also pursue the man. The man should not have to do all the chasing. The man can also stop pursuing his wife once he gets married. We take for granted what we have. This will break down marriage. The pursuit for affection from your partner should continue. Otherwise extra marital pursuits may take place.
5. It takes supreme value
See Song of Solomon 4:9-10. This loving man values his woman. This man is fired up on this woman. He is happy to touch her or have some part of her. He is not out drinking with the boys! He values her so highly and he is expressing it. See Song of Solomon 2:2. All other woman appear like weeds to him. She is a beautiful flower to him. He raises her above other women. She values her man. See Song of Solomon 5:10. We must return to the strengths of the person we fell in love with. Stop nit-picking! Don't concentrate on weaknesses.
6. It means forever
See Song of Solomon & 8:8. It is less painful to die then have our love broken. We are to be married forever. It should be until death do we part. There is to be no exit until death or Jesus returns. It is not marriage till we do want. God hates divorce. He wants marriage to work. It can if we romantic love is exclusive.
Romantic Love Is Expressed
If you want romantic love to be expressed there are things that need to get said often and even daily. Men tend to find it more difficult to express their love.
1. Why I should express my love (1:5-6)
It is needed. Everyone needs to hear love expressed. The woman lacks assurance of her attractiveness. We tend to focus on the things we find as weaknesses rather than our strengths. The woman is dark skinned. Today we see this as something attractive. White skin today is not seen as healthy! The woman has spent a lot of time working with her hands in the sun. She feels shame. She is saying "Don't look at me". How many woman have said this before? She is not happy with her body. This is the "vineyard" she is speaking about. We all need to hear expressions of love from those we love in our lives. No one is that strong that they don't need to hear expressions of love regularly. We should not be taken for granted. We must focus on positives rather than negatives. This needs to be communicated. See Proverbs 3:27. It is a good thing to express our love.
2. How to do it - verbal confirmation
See Song of Solomon 1:15-16. This is more important than compliments. The man affirms her as a person rather than just her physical appearance. Love needs to be based upon more than just physical appearance as it will fade with age. The woman responds with verbal confirmation. Men can need verbal confirmation as well. It is important when:
- We fail - We do not have to be a failure because we fail.
- We are rejected - We need the support of those who are closest to us. See John 6. Jesus experienced the rejection of the multitude. The twelve stayed with him. Peter gives Jesus words of confirmation.
When circumstances send the wrong message - It can be difficult to balance work and
home. It is important to talk when circumstances may send a wrong message. It requires verbal confirmation. When things are changing - It may seem that your commitment has changed. We need to confirm things verbally in a positive way.
3. How to do it - value comparisons
See Song of Solomon 1:8. You are number one among many. You are a lily among thorns. (See Song of Solomon 2:2). It is not to produce pride. It is just the opinion of one person. There is no one who can touch my wife or husband. There is no one I love more. This should not be a problem after years of marriage, unless it is not being said. See Song of Solomon 2:3. The woman sees plenty of trees that look the same but then she saw an apple tree that stood out and had fruit. This reminded her of the man she loves. The man also needs to know that he is valuable to the woman that he loves.
Romantic Love Has Eros
God's plan is for sexual satisfaction in one partner. It was God who created man and woman in the first place. We are not to settle for anything less. Romantic love is like a vineyard. See Song of Solomon 2:15. It is the little things that ruin the romantic love.
Romantic love is ablaze when it has eros. The word "sex" has become soiled today. "Eros" is the Greek word for the physical expression of human love. This is used in the context of intimacy within the bounds of marriage. We need eros in our marriage. It is the fuel on the fire for romantic love.
1. Eros is from God
See Genesis 1:27-31. Everything that God made was very good. God does not do average. This included eros. God made every part of us and it was very good. The man and the woman is focused upon in Genesis 2:18-25. It was one man and one woman joined together for life. They were not naked and not ashamed. There was no sin and things were perfect. The sin comes in Genesis 3.
2. Eros has become defiled
See Genesis 3. There is one law to be kept but they break it after be tempted by Satan. See Genesis 3:7. They knew they were naked and sought to cover themselves and hid. They lived in fear of God and themselves. God knew where Adam was – did Adam know where he was? Eros was defiled by the Fall in the Garden of Eden. It has become increasingly defiles since. Society has become a cess pool and is becoming worse. How do you think this makes God feel? It was very good at first but now it has become perverted to the point that it makes God and decent people sick. Things have degraded over the years as standards have lowered and things which were perverse years ago is now paraded in the streets as a right. Adult book stores outnumber McDonalds in
3. Eros has to be redeemed
The day is coming when God will redeem his people and all things. See Ephesians 1:7 & . God intends us to be redeemed people today. See Titus 2:14. We can reject the world's message of eros and make it the way God intended it to be. Here are four things we can do to redeem eros:-
- By saving it for marriage - See Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:4 and 8:4. She wants consummation but only when it is right. There is a right time and place for eros. It is righteous and holy then. Eros is a powerful giant. Don't wake it up until it can be pleased. God wants us to wait for marriage. See Galatians 5:19 & Ephesians 5:3. God does not want us to hurt ourselves. It is a loving command. If you choose to sin then you choose to suffer. These relationships usually fail to last. You shouldn't build the physical relationship first and then the emotional relationship. Relationships that start with eros can be difficult to break. Some woman have given themselves in eros to a worthless man and then feel ashamed to break the relationship.
- By giving eros time - See Song of Solomon 1:12 & 2:3-6. It is important to give eros time. It is not when you are exhausted or time is short. See 1 Corinthians 7:2. The danger is that there is too little eros, not too much. By releasing eros passion - See Song of Solomon 4:8-5:8. and 8:4. Passion stirs us to our depths. We can have it in our lives. We need to say about our passion. We need to meet in different places and break routine. Eros is focused on the other person. Eros makes us really want the person and not the pleasure that they bring.
- By choosing eros pursuit - See Song of Solomon 5:2. These two people are after each other. That is the essence of eros
4. Eros is good
If God speaks in this book then He speaks in Song of Solomon 5:1. God endorses romantic love. We need to cherish eros love and keep it ablaze. It is good because God says it is good.
Romantic Love Is Forever
This book is a series of poems or love songs. There is a real passionate romantic love between a man and a woman. This romantic love is to be exclusive, has to be expressed, has eros love and is forever.
1. Keep on seeing it
We are to focus on the good things and not the negative. We are to keep on seeing the positives and focusing on them for a lifetime.
2. Keep on securing it
See Song of Solomon 2:15. It is the little things that spoil romantic love and destroy a marriage. Here are some little foxes: -
- Living beyond our means - It is not what you have is important. We are to be content.
- Separate stuff - E.g. Separate bank accounts, separate bed times and separate holidays.
- Extended family tension - We are to leave much of this behind when we get married.
- Unresolved conflict - Disagreement, silence, time and back to normal. You have to work things out.
- No time alone - You need some time alone together to talk things over.
If you have little foxes in your marriage make sure to shoot them! Take them out before they take out your marriage. You need to be ruthless.
3. Keep on savouring it
See Song of Solomon 1:1. If you want to enjoy wine you need to smell it, look at it, try a little bit and then taste it before you swallow. This is a bit like romantic love. It is not to be hurried. Don't guzzle it! God has given you a treasure and you are to appreciate and enjoy it.
4. Keep on sealing it
See Song of Solomon 8:6-7. It is a seal of permanence. It is a public faithfulness. It is like having a tattoo. Others will know that you are taken. Romantic love and marriage is forever.
Song of Solomon 8:7
It is good to understand marriage before you get into it. God wants a happy union, not a civil war. See Ecclesiastes 9:9 & Proverbs 5:18. We are to enjoy marriage. This is what God intended. Marriage is to be like one long romantic cruise! We have changed it from a cruise ship into a battle ship! The statistics don't look so good for marriage today. Romance is the solution to keeping your marriage happy. Solomon had great wisdom and we should pay attention what he has to say.
1. Communicate with talk
See Song of Solomon 1:15; 4:7. Solomon is telling his love what he thinks about her. It is positive and genuine. It is tough for men to talk often with their wives. We need to express how we feel at the right time. We need to be careful what we say. See Song of Solomon 1:15.
- It is not that men don't want to talk. It is the subject matter that can make them quiet.
- The wife needs to encourage her husband. Don't let him hear it from other women. This is how marriages can break up.
- Men have to do a better job of listening.
- Women need to do better at getting to the point! If you can't talk, then your marriage will fail.
- Use your head and think, before you open your mouth.
2. Communicate with time
See Song of Solomon 2:10. Married couples need to spend time together. Love requires time. You put your time into what is important. You need intimacy that is soul to soul, not body to body. You need to spend time away together. What is wrong with a weekly date? You could do something that you both like. It could be for lunch, exercise or walking. You could be married for years and not get time away together. See Songs of Solomon 7:11. It is not about shopping, it is about the company. The women could learn to watch sport. Hang out together. It doesn't have to cost money to be together.
3. Communicate with touch
See Song of Solomon 8:3. There need to be non-sensual touching. We need to show affection for our partner. One of the first things to go in a relationship which has become sour, is touching. It is important in a relationship to hold hands and communicate with our touch.
4. Communicate with thoughtfulness
See Song of Solomon 7:10-12. It is important to find creative ways to express our love. It is good to surprise one another. It could be a little note, flowers, a gift or a surprise birthday party. What is wrong with being thoughtful? These are the little things that make the romance. It doesn't take big things to excite a woman. A woman wants to be hugged, held and heard. If you do these things, then the home can be heaven. If you don't, the home can be hell!
When you get married - invite Jesus to the wedding.
- We need intensity in our marriage.
- We need this complete love.
- It puts Christ first.
- It helps you overcome your weaknesses. We all have weaknesses.
- It will meet the deepest needs in a person's heart.
- It is a love that has passion!
The flame has gone out for some people. You can set it alight again.
- It will look for the positive qualities.
- It looks for the good.
- It will lift up your self-esteem. You will feel good about yourself.
- It will tackle adversity together.
We all have problems, whether we get married or not. We need to fight together to overcome. You don't need to tell your parents! You deal with it together.